The Truth About Stage Fright and Being Seen
Most musicians I know want one thing: to be seen and heard
And those same musicians also want to hide in the corner when it comes time to be seen and heard.
If this is you, it is VERY common to want the WHOLE world to hear your music while simultaneously wanting to hide up in a ball in the corner and just hope the algorithms are sending your music out to every pair of ears.
Many musicians who have performed hundreds if not thousands of shows still get butterflies at best or full-blown panic attacks at worst before stepping on stage or pressing the “distribute” button on a new single.
What gives?
As a performer myself, it was the biggest relief to discover and make sense of this phenomenon in my journey to becoming a certified trauma-informed coach.
Because yes, that stage fright, that “is this good enough” voice, that “I’m not ready” narrative is a trauma response.
A note on the T word: There is Capital “T” Trauma, like a car crash, divorce, or assault, and there is lowercase “t” trauma, like constant neglect as a child, bullying, or even being smothered by a helicopter parent. Trauma is something that is too much, too fast, and/or too soon for our nervous systems to properly handle.
How does the trauma that we dealt with as a kid translate to our adult-aged musician careers?
If you experienced something as a child where you were seen, and it didn’t go well (for example: you spoke up and got bullied for it, or a parent was unpredictable so being quiet and passive is the only way you felt you had a chance to be loved), then your nervous system has internalized what it feels like to be seen: NOT SAFE.
So any time you’re about to hop on stage or release a new project, you’re being reminded that it is NOT SAFE to be seen. That you may lose out on love if you don’t just sit quietly in the corner.
How can a musician heal this wound to become more confident on stage and in their career?
The first step is to go back and realize that little-kid you was doing the best they could. You can ask your little kid self a series of questions (I like to do this during a meditation, or in the shower - it’s called inner child work, and it’s a beautiful way to connect with the part of you that is still running the show because something is unhealed.)
1. What did you need, little me, that you didn’t get at the time?
2. What can I give you now?
3. Is there anything you want me to know?
4. Do you trust me to do my music career while ALSO keeping us safe?
The next step is to be committed to you, the current you, and to be intentional that you are making choices for your music, not a 6-year old. (No one wants a 6-year old running our business, right?)
After you get clear that you can love your inner child but you’re still boss today, figure out what actions you’ve been avoiding because of your trauma response, and what actions you’d like to take.
Lastly, know that this is a process. You may still feel anxiety or butterflies before performing, even after doing this work. Learning tools to retrain your nervous system (like grounding exercises: rubbing hand, square breathing, lying down on the ground if you can, hugging yourself while tapping each arm) will help in-the-moment setbacks and start to rewire your brain to know you are safe now.
Is there a longer-term solution to be seen authentically as yourself?
I coach musicians to get over these very real, very somatic blocks so they can feel complete freedom and self-expression and make choices to empower their careers. I do this 1:1, in my beautiful coaching mastermind Amplify, and in my annual signature success retreat.
References
- Check out my program, Amplify! | I'm interested!
- My retreat dives way deeper into this | Learn more
- Ready to be seen on social media? | Check out The Content Drop
